unsaid

There are things that people say, better to be left unsaid. Well, well... So, about some time ago, I did my regular blogwalking, and I found this post that inspired me so much. Now I think I should make a writing like that, before it miss out of my brain (like those other things that I delayed over and over again...)

Here comes my "unsaid things", I won't mention the person though, duh..

"I know you are my bestie, but I just don't feel THAT comfortable to talk about some certain things to you. Not that I don't see you as my best buddy..."

"Silahkan aja sih, mau ngapain juga... terserah lo. Leave, whatever, much better anyway, so fine by me."

"Maybe you think I'm such a good-listener, a kind and sweet girl, but truth is, I don't pay THAT much attention towards your stories.. sorry."

"FACE IT! He's just not THAT into you... Ngga usah lebay juga sih kalo curcol."

"Mungkin lo mandang gwe sebagai sumthing, gwe juga mandang lo sebagai sumthing. Sumthingnya apa? Well, well... Don't know... yet."

"Ga bisa ya liat gwe seneng dikit? Get lost, please."

"Backstabber. Big mouth. Liar. Hypocrite. Pretender. All in one package, what a 'nice' product, huh?"

"You seem so nice, such a nice, fun buddy, but don't know why I'm a little bit unsure about you..."

"Kalo butuh dateng, kalo kagak minggat. Maksud lo apa sih?"

"You are a nice girl but... grow up! Don't be THAT childsh,please. You are 15 and a highschool student, it's just not the right way to act, sister."

"I have my own fear about you, I don't want to hang my hopes to high and fall down just to taste the pain. But it seems like you force me, to be fearless."

"I'm not that strong. I'm, actually as fragile as everybode else. Just because I'm not so good on crying and weeping in public, doesn't mean that I was made by steel."

"Respect my achievements, please. I didn't earn it as easy as flipping a paper."

"you are CUTE!"

"I dunno what I'm feeling. I don't know if this is real or just another crush, I dunno my feeling. I just know that you make me smile and simply, breathless."

That's all...

Kalo ada tambahan, gwe bakal bikin lagi posting kaya beginian.... Me, out!

ALSA UI 2009... extended version

hahaha, gwe iseng aja sih sebenernya... Post kemaren kan udah nyeritain ALSA UI kemaren, tapi bisa dibilang yang kemaren itu general banget lah yaa... Dengan ngenggres gituh lagi, sooo saia memutuskan untuk membuat lagi cerita ttg ALSA UI tapi bisa dibilang "the not-so-serious one"... hehehe, enjoy yaaa!

Day 1: Kamis 16 April 2009
Oke, oke... Ini hari emang sedikit ngga penting yo. Pokonya kita pergi aja ke UI dan liat exhibition debate nya. Ini tuh debate yang buat semacem akreditasi adju. Anak2 varsity yang mau jadi adjudicator di ALSA memang harus akre dulu... naah, exhibition inilah tempatnya. Tapi tapi... kayanya pasukan high school debaters sekola saia waktu itu salah duduk. Dengan PD membuncah2 maen duduk aja di barisan kursi tengah, yang ternyata buat para calon-calon adju. Pantesan aja kok perasaan anak2 high school pada duduknya di belakang-atas semua. ckckck... Well, well.. abis itu kita cabut ke Wisma Makara (yang belakang kami sepakati... itu mah bukan wisma, HOTEL itu!!!) dan niat awal mulia yang seharusnya untuk bahas matter malah kami nodai dengan bergosip ria dan akhirnya tidur berserakan. Hoho...

Day 2: Jumat 17 April 2009
The 1st day of debate! Both teams from my school didn't get the winning. Well, well.. emang lawan kita hari itu jagooo. we're okay with that lah yaa.. Ada yang lucu nieh, berhubung nie hari debatnya baru mulai jam 12. AKhirnya kita yang kerajian udah beres siap2 jam 9 pun bingung mau ngapain. Bergosip dan bermainlah kami ber 7 di kamar saia. Begonya, udah pake seragam segala rupa, malah pada masuk selimut dan berpewe-pewe ria lagii... Pake acara guling2an segala. Paraaahhh... Pas udah jam stngh 12, kita akhirnya memutuskan untuk bertobat dan keluar dari selimut. Dan ternyataaa, udah kusut aje dong tuh seragam. Rambut juga udah ngga senonoh lagi. mencuat ke segala arah! hahaha... autisme meradang...

Day 3: Sabtu 18 April 2009
The 2nd day of debate. My team get the winning in both debates that day. sayangnya, teamnya Rio, Sherly, Alvin masih VP 0 di hari itu. That means, udah susah buat breaking. Well, well.. drama happened there lah yaa. Banyak banget yang terjadi di sono.. Their team is such a great team, that's all I can say. Well, well.. day 3 itu penuh drama lah ya pokonya. Nikmati sajahhh... Udah gitu.. sorean dikit, pas kita lagi nungguin Rio yang mendadak hilang... kita nunggu di halte FH. Niatnya sih nungguin BiKun buat balik ke wisma... tapi kok ga ada yang lewat ya, buuu?? Akhirnya dengan gilanya, saia, alvin, sherly, lisia dan Jebe menghitung! Menghitung apa?
yak kami menghitung segala kendaraan aje dong sodara2...
dengan total 524 motor, 7 kereta dan 5 CBR... Baru deh kita nyerah nungguin bikun dan balik lagi ke FH.

Day 4: Minggu 19 April 2009
The breaking announcement. Ternyata, 2 team dari sekola saia gagal breaking. Well, well... shit happens. Besides, emang participant ALSA kemaren tuh debaters2 expert yang kayanya udah lebih sering debat daripada ulangan Matematika (apa sih perbandingan gwe ngga banget....) Jadi yaaa, bagi saia yang masih debater pemula ini,ikutan ALSA itu nothing to lose laah, we've learned so much there... ALSA taun depan pasti lebih baik, smangat teammates!

Day 5: Senin 20 April 2009
Saia dan teammates saya sebagai "the non-breaking team" masuk ke FHUI dengan langkah2 ringan. Soalnya kita kan udah ga debat lagiii...hohoho Tujuan kami hari itu hanya satu... MENJADI OBSERVER BUAT DEBATE VARSITY!!
hoho, sejujurnya buat observer debatnya... Kita mau jadi observer DEBATER2 KECENYAA... hahaha, adik kelas yang tak tau diuntung! kita bukannya merhatiin debatnya, nyatet kek apa gitu... malah ngeliatin style kakak2 yang ga nahan kerennya.. Mamiii, keren banget boo! Udah gitu nontonin juga si coach a.k.a Bapak Danny debat... Gyaah, si Octofinalist. Mayan dehhh, muridnya ngga nyampe, gurunya yang meneruskan. Huahuahua, paraah. Nah, nah... udah gitu, berhubung kita sadar, kita udah mulai hobi nyanyi2 tereak kenceng n geje, kita sepakat kalo... KITA BUTUH KARAOKE-AN!
Akhirnya kami pasukan SMAK 1 BPK Bandung bergabung dengan pasukan SMAN 1 Tangerang dan meluncur dengan indah ke Margo!! Menggila lah kami di sana, awalnya sih lagu-lagunya masih normal... Err, sebenernya ngga bisa dibilang normal berhubung lagu2 normal itu kami plesetkan jadi menghina dina orang2 sucks di ALSA. Maklumlaa, namanya juga pelampiasan kekesalan. Tapi lama-lamaaa... beuh lagunya makin alay ajee. Heran sendiri saia. Pake ada acara 'nonton video clip' lagi... Jadi ceritanya kita milih lagunya Beyonce yang "Check Up on It"... tapi ternyata kaga ada yang bisa nyanyinya dooongg!! Nonton video klip deh judulnya...

Our tracklist... (kayanya bakal ada yang kelupaan, maap yee..)
1. I Love U Bibeh (Changcuters) => dengan segala perubahan yang (tidak) diperlukan, demi keperluan menghina... hehehe...
2. Oh Baby (Cinta Laura)
3. Pengkhianat Cinta (Duo Maia n CinLau)
4. Bukan Superstar (Project Pop) => dengan segala perubahan yang (tidak) diperlukan, demi keperluan menghina... hehehe...
5. Jablay (TiKam) => INI MAH PARAAAHH!! ajang menghina paling indah
6. I Won't Go Home Without U (Maroon 5)
7. American Idiot (Greenday) => Ajang tereak 2
8. That Blink 182 song (gwe gatau judulnya)
9. That Bowling For Soup song (gatau juga judulnya)
10. Check Up on It (Beyonce) => ini mah nonton video clip
11. Jangan Pernah Berubah (ST 12) => I know... Crazy right? Alay mampus... PARAH.
12. We Are the Champion
13. Yellow (Coldplay) => di sini sedikit normal.. hehehe
14. Bad Day (Daniel Powter) => Suara hati kami semuaa... hehehe

(kayanya masih ada, tapi sisanya gwe lupa...)

yak, yak... dengan semua lagu itu, akhirnya kami pun sukses bangun keesokan harinya dengan suara sekseehhhh... (Bilang aja abis suaranya, hehehe...) Udah gitu mentang2 malem terakhir di Depok pake acara pada begadang lagi. Yah, yah, at least some of us. Rio sama Sherly masuk kamar saia langsung main tepar aja tuh.. Parah. Rio juga, teparnya ga elit banget, di lantai. Hehehe... mantaabbbss

Day 6: 21 April 2009
Last day... Kita ke FH cuma buat nonton final debates nyaa... Udah gitu saia, Lisia n Jebe sempet ke FE juga ketemuan sama ka ata, si kakak panitia yang riweuh abiis, partner in "Gossip Girl Gathering" hahaha... Ini juga lucu, kita dengan sok iye nya jalan dari FH ke FE dengan jalan seperti berikut ini:
1. Jalan dari FH ke FIB
2. Nyari jembatan texas
3. Naek jembatan Texas
4. Kesasar (soalnya lagi pembangunan gitu FE-nya)
5. Mengikuti kemana kaki membawa sampe 15 menit, dan sampailah di Makara-nya FE

padahaaall, ada satu cara yang jauh, jauhhhh lebih gampang
1. Jalan ke halte FH
2. Naek BiKun sampe ke FE

Euuuhhh, dasar emang dudud... hehehe

Dan akhirnya, kami pun harus balik ke Bandung. sempet berenti juga sih di Solaria... begonya, di Solaria masi aja gitu bikin sesi ramalan. hehehe, maapkan bikin ricuh Solaria yaaa...

hahaha... so there you go.
Itulah akhir 6 days vacation saia di depok... hehehe...

dan ternyataaa... dunia nyata ituu bosenin abis dibandingan dunia khayal yang kemaren di depok. Gyaaahhh!! Love it!

*poto2, berhubung di post sebelumnya udah saia sertakan, jadi di sini kaga lagi yee.. hehehe

ALSA UI 2009

Back again...
I just read a crazy touching post in Lisia's page about ALSA, and I'm inspired to write one here. Well, not gonna be exactly like the one Lisia wrote. I'm not in the mood to build such a poetry-kind of writing now.

So here goes, ALSA UI 2009, a supermassive national competition of English held in FHUI. Spelling Bee, Presenting Ideas, News Casting, you name it. Me and my team participated in the Debate competition, of course. It was such big, huge competition. 54 teams of highschool debate and 40-something teams of varsity debate. How many debaters then? Well, count it by yourself. It was a really major thing, so to speak.

Now, how about the result?
Hmm, 2 VPs... means that my team didn't make it through the breaking Octo. Well, well... we're newbie. We didn't expect something so major for such a big competition like ALSA though. 2VPs are quite something for us in the middle of those great debaters. We were there for about a week, and I can say that I.am.officially.sick.of.those.debate.thingie.

Sick here doesn't mean that I hate debate from head to toe. No. Sick here, means that I had enough of debate last week. Imagine, 2 rounds of me, debating and after that we had to watch 2 rounds of the varsity debate. Not to mention, how the hectic atmosphere went on and on in the Debater's Hall.

Conversations were always like this:

"Hey, how was the debate?" or..
"It was a split decision though, 3 to 2" or...
"Unanimous! Cool!" or...
"I had a clear winning, wew!" or...
"Win by 3 margins... It was a split though" or...
"How many VPs so far?"
"Standing! look at the standing!"
"I kinda backstab my 1st speaker on my rebuttal. Ahhh..."

Hahaha, anyhow... I still love those moments!
How we casebuilt still confused of those impromptu motions, how we get things over if we had some drama in the team. How we tried to manage and find a solution for every kind of trouble. how we felt like we want to explode when we couldn't accept the reason why we lost or something like that. How we faced the drama that we even surprised can took place in such competition like ALSA. How we had a crazy night out to let go of everything and woke up the next day with a sore throat. How we had such a huge confident to go to FE from FH without knowing the route of BiKun or the faculties there, so we ended up confused and just let our feet lead the way. Ahhh, I love those moments.
And just like Lisia, I'll do anything to go back.
Hahaha...

Oops, almost forgot...
The Highschool finalists were
SMAN 3 Bandung vs SMAN 8 Yogyakarta
with the motion: TH supports the establishment of ASEAN Parliament
And the ALSA title went to: SMAN 8 Yogyakarta

meanwhile, the varsity finalists were
ATMAJAYA Jakarta vs EDS UI
with the motion: .... lupa
and the ALSA title went to: ATMAJAYA Jakarta

Hahaha, that was ALSA.
Can't wait for the next competition.
And for the non-breaking teams (you know who you are...)
shit happens guys, we just had a bad day!!!
*karaokean lagi yuuu...


Gosh, how I miss those moments...

postingan basi

soalnya pasti kalian udah pernah baca di mana-mana...
hahaha, lucu ajah sih... jadi gwe repost lge gpp yaaa...
enjoy, buuu!! here goes...

RULES:
1.) Put your music player on shuffle mode
2.) Go to the next song for each quesation
3.) Use the song title as the answer to the question
4.) NO CHEATING!

1. How am I feeling today?

Confessions of a Broken Heart-Lindsay Lohan
(jadul gila... depresi abis...)

2. How is today going to be?

Kids of the Future - Jonas Brothers...
(mmhhh, maksud?? anyone??)

3. How is my life going?

Sober-Pink
(iwaw, iyalahhh... masa saia tak sadarkan diri...)

4. What should I do with my life?

Moving Mountain - Usher

(tugas yang berat ya sodara2....)

5. What should I do with my love life?

How to Touch a Girl - JoJo

(hahaha, hear... hear boys...)

6. What does everyone else think my current life?

Hot n Cold- Katy Perry
(hmmm, masuk akalm mengingat saya rada menclak-menclek ke mana-mana... *bahasa apa pulaaa...)

7. What do I think my current theme song is?

Signed, Sealed, Delivered- Stevie Wonder ft Blue

(sialan, dy pikir gwe barang anteran FedEx??)

8. Where will I live?

Baby Love - Nicole Scherzinger
(hmm, I take that as "I will live in an island by a really exotic beach like the one in Baby Love video...")

9. How can I make myself happy?

Pelangi di Malam Hari-Vidi Aldiano

(sial... maksudnya ga akan pernah hepi nie?)

10. What is the best thing about me?

Let it Rain - JoJo

(maksud? saia bikin ujan?)

11. How does the world see me?

Kisah Kita-Vidi Aldiano

(???)

12. What do my friends really think of me?

Thinking of You-Katy Perry

(whua, pas banget buuu)

13. What will my dying words be?

Tattoo- Jordin Sparks

(masa gwe minta tattoo?? geje ihhh...)

14. What song will they play at my funeral?

Damage - Chris Brown

(iwaaawwww... paan tuuhhh??)

15. What is my best friend’s theme song?

When I'm Gone - Simple Plan

(heuh?)

zzz.

16. What song describes my parents?

Anything -JoJo

(hmmm???)

17. What is some good advice?

Crash World - Hilary Duff

(ya ampun... and that is good?? Are you kidding me???????)

18. What is highschool like?

Dia - Maliq n D'Essentials

(waw, pas banget...)

19. What type of men do I like?

The Boys are Back - HSM 3

(hahaha... maksudnya yang macho ya?)

20. Where will I get married?

The Show - Lenka

(Nice!)

21. Will I ever have a good children?

Can I Have This Dance - HSM 3

(hmm, anak gwe pedansa... hehehe)

22. What is my deepest secret?

Nobody's Home - Avril Lavigne
(rahasia saia adalah saia home alone?? wkwkwk...)


Kesimpulan: iPod saia cacat sodara... hehehe

yuu ahhh... over and out!

gravity

Ia kuat, sangat kuat. Ia menarik semua hal di dunia ini agar tetap menjejak, tetap memiliki kaki penghubung ke bumi. Tak bermimpi ditelan cakrawala tinggi. Tidak membiarkan segalanya melompat sesuka hati, menembus langit , terbakar surya, menjadi tiada. Orang-orang berlomba mendefinisikannya, menjadi bagian dari kekuatan dominannya. Para cendekia bersama sepakat, memberinya nama: gravitasi. Bentuk tenaga, tak terlihat namun esensial. Menentukan eksistensi manusia, dan keselamatan segala yang ada.
Aku setuju, kamu dilengkapi bentuk kecil gravitasi. Di mana aku mewakili para makhluk hidup, bumi adalah kamu dan langit adalah mimpi, utopia, terlalu indah untuk jadi nyata. Kamu punya gravitasi, tak terlihat namun selalu berhasil menarikku. Kamulah gravitasi, yang tanpa suara, merangkak di bawah kakiku... tak membiarkannya lepas sedikitpun dari jangkauan bumi, jangkauanmu.
Kamu esensial untukku.

Aku ingin mencoba sedikit rasa dari kesempurnaan, aku ingin menjadi bagian dari khayalan. Khayalan berisi aku yang lengkap dan utuh, tanpamu. Percaya atau tidak, kamulah kenyataan yang tak ingin kudapatkan! Tak ingin kujadikan candu, penyokong hidup... syarat kenyamanan. Aku ingin lari ke langit, jauh darimu, melupakanmu. Tapi kamu terlalu disiplin untuk lalai, terlalu cermat untuk dicurangi. Aku tak punya kendali. Semua ada padamu, gravitasi bagi duniaku yang minor, kamu tetap mendominasi langkahku.
Sebisa mungkin, aku mencoba lari, aku ingin lepas dari gaya tarikmu ini, bahkan melepaskan diri dari hatiku sendiri... aku mencoba. Tapi kamu memang gravitasi, mungkin alam bawah sadarku pun sudah tahu, aku tak bisa semudah itu lolos darimu.
Sekarang, aku kembali, tanpa perkembangan yang pasti
aku membuat lingkaran sempurna, karena
aku kembali jatuh, dalam gravitasimu

Mungkin aku salah, memikirkan sepotong lagu sepanjang hari. Mungkin aku terlalu mellow, menjadikan pemikiran Sara Bareilles yang diberi tajuk gravitasi sebagai pusat duniaku sekarang. Sebagai sepucuk suasana yang berjalan harmonis dengan perlakuanmu,
Atau mungkinkah, kamu memang ada untuk menjadi gravitasi, supaya aku tetap mempercayai kenyataan,

...

...

bahwa aku tak bisa lari darimu, sekeras apapun aku mencoba?

April 8th 2009
*with Sara Bareilles-Gravity while I'm typing

all that you can hear on my iPod....

is Taylor Swift!!!

mungkin banyak orang yang mandang dy sebelah mata, ato nganggep dy cuma nge-dompleng namanya Joe Jonas doang.
But I think, she's really cool.
Dy bener2 talented, dan dy bener-bener produktif. Dia bener-bener berusaha keluar dari zone di mana dia cuma skandal kecilnya Joe Jonas. Dia berusaha supaya saat orang inget artis-artis muda yang bersinar, orang ngga akan bilang "Miley Cyrus, and that Joe Jonas' ex girlfriend"
dia pengen dikenal sebagai Taylor Swift, musisi country berbakat.
dan gwe kagum sama dia, terlepas dari itu semua. Lagu-lagunya emang asik juga sih di kuping... Kata-katanya simpel, tapi kena banget. Apalagi buat remaja cewe, gwe gatau kalo buat cowo gimana.

Oke, pertama gwe bener-bener 'nyadar' sama Taylor Swift, gwe akui, pas dy nyanyi sama Miley Cyrus di Grammy. Mereka nyanyi lagu Fifteen, yang menurut gwe touching banget. Lagu itu bisa ngewakilin perasaannya hampir semua cewe 15 taun di seluruh belahan dunia. Ah, gila.
Lyrics-nya simpel, bisa mewakili semua feeling. Mulai dari jatuh cinta, kasmaran gila sampe broken heart edan. Mantep.

Ini lyrics Love Story, keren, sangat fairytale... If only, life is this beautiful... hehehe

We were both young when I first saw you.
I close my eyes and the flashback starts:
I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air.

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.
See you make your way through the crowd
and say hello;

Little did I know
That you were Romeo; you were throwing pebbles,
And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet."
And I was crying on the staircase,
begging you, 'Please, don't go.'"

And I said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'"

So I sneak out to the garden to see you.
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew.
So close your eyes; escape this town for a little while.
'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter,
And my daddy said "Stay away from Juliet,"
But you were everything to me; I was begging you, 'Please, don't go,'"

And I said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Romeo save me - they're tryin' to tell me how to feel;
This love is difficult, but it's real.
Don't be afraid; we'll make it out of this mess.
It's a love story - baby just say "Yes.'"

Oh.

I got tired of waiting,
Wondering if you were ever comin' around.
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town,

And I said,
"Romeo save me - I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in thy head? I don't know what to think-"

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
"Marry me, Juliet - you'll never have to be alone.
I love you and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad - go pick out a white dress;
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'"

Hmhm, sooo pretty. Indah banget love story nya. Mungkin banyak di dunia ini yang love storynya kaya gitu, atau malah ga ada??? hhaa, dunno... Off to the next lyric dehhh... Ini judulnya Teardrops on my Guitar, sedih. Highschool banget. Hmmm, sad yet sweet and lovely.

"Teardrops On My Guitar"

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's just so funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

[Chorus:]

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

[Repeat Chorus]

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.

Hmm... Which one is me??
Now, I think... the second one represents me the most...
hehehe
But I don't have any teardrops on my guitar, I can't play the guitar.
Teardrops on my piano maybe??

wkwkwk... over and out!

the wind took them away

Why do I pick that title?
Simply because I am watching Friend's re-run here while typing, and Rachel, Phoebe and Mon are fighting upon a feminist book with some 'wind' analogy there inside the screen. I heard the word 'wind' and I typed it.
... well, details.
Just admit that I couldn't think of any better title, so to speak.

Okay, so... I can't help myself to write something about my current life.
which I would say... what's the word?
oh, yeah right...confusing and...
I dunno how to describe the second word, I was going to say the word 'sucks' but after I give it another think, I realize that it's not suckish enough for me to say the word 'sucks' freely.
Confusing? I know... So, here goes, stop wasting time... chop, chop!

Suddenly, the 14 ED.com last week seems so far away. Like what Teph said over and over again, the competition was more like a free 3 days vacation for us rather than a debating competition. We had fun, we walked around freely, we had a nice chit-chat session until late, we even rode home on a really comfy train (which is not our usual habit). Full of laughs, no place for any type of pressure.
I remember how we joked ourselves when we stepped off the train and headed to our parents
"Welcome back to the reality!"
I THOUGHT it was a joke. Now I realize, it wasn't.
The reality that I'm living now gives me no time to embrace the bubbly feeling that left from ED.com, I need to catch up with the tasks, the tests, the lessons, but don't get me wrong, because I'm okay with that. It's the social life that I'm not okay with,

Suddenly I faced some changes and I didn't see that coming.
Suddenly the most highly anticipated event for me, turns out to be the most minor and uninteresting thing to discuss.
Suddenly I lose my respect on someone, whom I usually adore as the person-who-always-know-what-to-do
Suddenly I lose my excitement in almost every single thing in my life
Suddenly I feel exhausted all the time and I think that I can really use a moment to take a break
Suddenly I doubt the decision that I took
Suddenly I'm not sure if the happiness, the thrill that I felt was really good for me or just a distraction to make me lost my own gravity

Heuhh, I know that if I keep on crying, whining and complaining, it will do no good since it will just turn me into a self-centered kind of human. I know that my problems are nothing compared to some people out there with more huge problems and issues. I know that maybe I'm the one who has everything to do with my own problems, I created it myself, somehow... or maybe it's actually nothing and it becomes a major thing because I'm such a dramaqueen. Possibilities.

I just hope that I will figure them out, a thing or two, so to speak... to save me from this bizzare feelings.
I dunno what to do, and I dunno what to believe
and I'm not happy with that.
I want that bubbly feelings that I had a week ago, I want to embrace the moments and memories, I want to be that happy-go-lucky kind of person again. The one who can go on and choose without too much contemplating, too much thinking.
I want those back, all of them back.
because it seems like
the wind took them away