the wind took them away

Why do I pick that title?
Simply because I am watching Friend's re-run here while typing, and Rachel, Phoebe and Mon are fighting upon a feminist book with some 'wind' analogy there inside the screen. I heard the word 'wind' and I typed it.
... well, details.
Just admit that I couldn't think of any better title, so to speak.

Okay, so... I can't help myself to write something about my current life.
which I would say... what's the word?
oh, yeah right...confusing and...
I dunno how to describe the second word, I was going to say the word 'sucks' but after I give it another think, I realize that it's not suckish enough for me to say the word 'sucks' freely.
Confusing? I know... So, here goes, stop wasting time... chop, chop!

Suddenly, the 14 ED.com last week seems so far away. Like what Teph said over and over again, the competition was more like a free 3 days vacation for us rather than a debating competition. We had fun, we walked around freely, we had a nice chit-chat session until late, we even rode home on a really comfy train (which is not our usual habit). Full of laughs, no place for any type of pressure.
I remember how we joked ourselves when we stepped off the train and headed to our parents
"Welcome back to the reality!"
I THOUGHT it was a joke. Now I realize, it wasn't.
The reality that I'm living now gives me no time to embrace the bubbly feeling that left from ED.com, I need to catch up with the tasks, the tests, the lessons, but don't get me wrong, because I'm okay with that. It's the social life that I'm not okay with,

Suddenly I faced some changes and I didn't see that coming.
Suddenly the most highly anticipated event for me, turns out to be the most minor and uninteresting thing to discuss.
Suddenly I lose my respect on someone, whom I usually adore as the person-who-always-know-what-to-do
Suddenly I lose my excitement in almost every single thing in my life
Suddenly I feel exhausted all the time and I think that I can really use a moment to take a break
Suddenly I doubt the decision that I took
Suddenly I'm not sure if the happiness, the thrill that I felt was really good for me or just a distraction to make me lost my own gravity

Heuhh, I know that if I keep on crying, whining and complaining, it will do no good since it will just turn me into a self-centered kind of human. I know that my problems are nothing compared to some people out there with more huge problems and issues. I know that maybe I'm the one who has everything to do with my own problems, I created it myself, somehow... or maybe it's actually nothing and it becomes a major thing because I'm such a dramaqueen. Possibilities.

I just hope that I will figure them out, a thing or two, so to speak... to save me from this bizzare feelings.
I dunno what to do, and I dunno what to believe
and I'm not happy with that.
I want that bubbly feelings that I had a week ago, I want to embrace the moments and memories, I want to be that happy-go-lucky kind of person again. The one who can go on and choose without too much contemplating, too much thinking.
I want those back, all of them back.
because it seems like
the wind took them away